I do… but not that guy…

3 years ago I landed on the rocky shores of Helsinki to get married to a guy I loved. Now, many quarrels, lies and some fights later I’m probably still going to marry a guy, just not that one.

He’s not my cross to carry, have never been. 3 years I spent with the guy make no sense at all. He brought destruction to my family and jitter to my self-esteem. With all the qualities, skills, and heart of mine I should have gotten away from this long time ago, but I let him blur my vision, and this only served his self-indulging agenda.

For those of you who have followed my stories can see the difference between the first images of him and this late photo, as of arrogant, cold smirk on his face. As portrait photographer I always said

Don’t photograph what’s there, photograph what’s not there. Capture how you feel…

What you do not see in this photo from 2020, compared to other, older portraits of this guy? Well, I don’t see love. The love is gone, just cold arrogance on his face. In moments like this you realize, this is it, there’s nothing more to this moment. RUN!!! And I did, a year later in 2021.

Would I miss him? Yes, like an alcoholic thirsty for his stashed bottle of liquor. Do I need him? No. I’ve closed this chapter of my life on April 2, 2021, and I’m ready to start the next chapter or a whole book.

As for this guy. Well, when you accieve your goals, you could finally stop and see all the destruction you left on your path, sacrifices made for you, lives lost. For me, it hurts to look back at the time I accompanied you, although I was merely a game.


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